Today I come to terms with my affinity for paranoia and... theater.

What I fail to accept, however, is that embarrassment is actually a universal phenomenon. I mistakenly believe embarrassment to be a phenomenon unique to me, only me--I have it the worst! No, I have it the best! But it's actually not, right. And I should be fine with life's curveballs thus.

But then again, we are designed to be subjective. Objectivity is an ideal, an illusion that we created out of a desire for something better, something less human, more superhuman. We will never fully understand another person's point of view because their perspective is something they 1) are born with, and 2) constantly cultivating. Our ideas are interactive and thus extremely volatile--just as no man is an island, no thought or opinion is an island.

This leads to what seems to me an ironic endeavor: our desire to understand others. If we are designed to be governed under one physical body, why do we seek to delve further out and reach the hearts of others?Why does pointing out the inevitability of "difference" make me sad?

Or even more than that, the ironic pressure to understand my situation in relation to others. Why should I be assuaged by friends telling me, "it happens to everyone" or "shit happens" or "everything happens for a reason"? Is there a reason, and does it really happen to everyone? Does shit have to happen? And how the hell would I know to be nonchalant about embarrassments, if the only experiences I've had with them are mine, and thus relatively few? What if I don't care how frequently shit occurs to other people?

I think, for me, inhibitions are good. I'm way too theatrical to be set free without them.

Guichanaso.