"이해할수없기 때문에 우린 더 얘기할수있고
이해할수 없기 때문에 우린 지금 몸안의 온 감각을 곤두세워야 한다.
이해하기 때문에 사랑하는건 아니구나. 또 하나 배워간다."
그들이 사는 세상中
Guichanaso.
20120627
Theories
Theories are definitely more than an irrelevant thought exercise,
more than just a tip or a tool for some fools-
they are also more than just a rational and communicable framework,
or a breadcrumb to be traced, a history of development to evidence.
It is a way of thinking,
and since thoughts create beliefs, and beliefs are integral to our identities,
it is a structure that inclines us to certain beliefs, and thus ourselves,
and foremost it is an alternative to certain beliefs, and thus ourselves-
and since the way we think
determines the way we see, move, and experience,
it is our glasses, our shoes, and our freedom, our lives.
Mothagesso.
20120623
I met a 25-year old, energetic professional today.
He headed non-profit organization in Nepal right out of college, did numerous other works that may broadly fit under the category, "social impact." Just last year, he joined MSCI, "whose leading research provides in-depth ratings and analysis of the environmental, social and governance-related business practices of thousands of companies worldwide. MSCI ESG Research also serves signatories of the UN's Principles for Responsible Investing, which represents a total of USD 30 trillion in AUM."
In other words, he took it to the Wall Street. The firm grades companies of their ESG-- or Environmental, Social & Governance-- ratings. Basically, rates them for how responsible they are to the people and the planet. Then he visits the investment banks, hedge funds, and private equity firms. He shared how he said he got interested in the position months after he first heard it, and then read about 50 books in the span of 2 months about financial market indices. "If you stop learning about the world then, I mean, that's okay, but you just stop, then."
Aside from explaining what his firm did, "I guess, one advice that I can give you," he said, "is to listen. Our generation grew up with all the information available. There was nothing that we cannot know. We can just type it in and search it. But a lot of people are still not accustomed to that. And a lot of people my age knows all the facts, the right answer, the best thing to do and they just end up saying too much, talking about things that others are not even worried about, slighting them, not attuning to them-- not listening to them. I started to listen to everything that a person or a client had to say, and only then, start talking. Then you know what to say and what not to, and you listened to them."
"Learn how to listen."
Mothagesso.
He headed non-profit organization in Nepal right out of college, did numerous other works that may broadly fit under the category, "social impact." Just last year, he joined MSCI, "whose leading research provides in-depth ratings and analysis of the environmental, social and governance-related business practices of thousands of companies worldwide. MSCI ESG Research also serves signatories of the UN's Principles for Responsible Investing, which represents a total of USD 30 trillion in AUM."
In other words, he took it to the Wall Street. The firm grades companies of their ESG-- or Environmental, Social & Governance-- ratings. Basically, rates them for how responsible they are to the people and the planet. Then he visits the investment banks, hedge funds, and private equity firms. He shared how he said he got interested in the position months after he first heard it, and then read about 50 books in the span of 2 months about financial market indices. "If you stop learning about the world then, I mean, that's okay, but you just stop, then."
Aside from explaining what his firm did, "I guess, one advice that I can give you," he said, "is to listen. Our generation grew up with all the information available. There was nothing that we cannot know. We can just type it in and search it. But a lot of people are still not accustomed to that. And a lot of people my age knows all the facts, the right answer, the best thing to do and they just end up saying too much, talking about things that others are not even worried about, slighting them, not attuning to them-- not listening to them. I started to listen to everything that a person or a client had to say, and only then, start talking. Then you know what to say and what not to, and you listened to them."
"Learn how to listen."
Mothagesso.
There was a recent movie, a lighthearted comedy, called "21 Jump Street." This jocular little parody, I remember, had left me more startled than it ever should have. It was its humor, most of which required an understanding of Facebook, Twitter, environmentalism, and other things 21st century. It was actively making fun of 21st century, to make the audience of 21st century.
This itself is nothing groundbreaking. We make something that we think others will like. We make things that are more contemporary, even futuristic. And we think its funny when they are things we identify with, things that, consequently, are contemporary. We are happily bound in the time frame we reside in.
What startled me was that I exactly knew what it was. Everything before this, the only thing before this, I understood what they are, but have not lived it through myself. I know what the 90's was for Koreans and Americans. I know what 80's, 70's, 60's was, culturally, politically, economically, through low-quality photos, through my mom's old clothes, through the history books. But I never lived it in the middle of it.
The movie had two protagonists who went to high school in late 90's and early 2000's, presumably, who is going back to high school. I understood the niceties of the 90's, as well as the references to the 2010's. The late 90's, I knew what it was like to be there and then, I knew having been that. The Facebook and the Twitter, I knew what it is. I was living it. I am living it.
The movie just sort of took me out of my life and let me seat at the audience seat to look at myself. The culture, the vibe, the ethos, the zeitgeist of the age was forming, and that, I assume, means that it is maturing, ending. It has become a thing, and the middle school and high school kids that I scarcely know now will form whatever they wish to from whatever I used to partake in. Then I will move on to my late 20's, 30's, on with a changed lifestyle, in a different world, in a different mainstream, but with a residue of my own 20's, my own 2010's. A little bit of Skrillex, a little bit of the word 'hipster,' a little bit of the financial crisis, a little bit of Obama, homosexuality, Middle Eastern crisis, Call Me Maybe.
It was a peak into the end. Not a sad one, just an end. Thankfully I will grow as the time flows, and I will always live in where I belong-- but it is startling to think that now what I took part in is becoming a history for the world. I led it, and it is ending.
So did everyone else who came before me. Everyone. And the world chopped it down to a chapter in history, a clip on YouTube, a frame in a Museum, a word from their grandparents. So many things were lost, so unbearably many things that I can understand have come before me.
It really threw me off. Threw me out of me for a second. Look at me, I'm blogging this. Look.
Mothagesso.
This itself is nothing groundbreaking. We make something that we think others will like. We make things that are more contemporary, even futuristic. And we think its funny when they are things we identify with, things that, consequently, are contemporary. We are happily bound in the time frame we reside in.
What startled me was that I exactly knew what it was. Everything before this, the only thing before this, I understood what they are, but have not lived it through myself. I know what the 90's was for Koreans and Americans. I know what 80's, 70's, 60's was, culturally, politically, economically, through low-quality photos, through my mom's old clothes, through the history books. But I never lived it in the middle of it.
The movie had two protagonists who went to high school in late 90's and early 2000's, presumably, who is going back to high school. I understood the niceties of the 90's, as well as the references to the 2010's. The late 90's, I knew what it was like to be there and then, I knew having been that. The Facebook and the Twitter, I knew what it is. I was living it. I am living it.
The movie just sort of took me out of my life and let me seat at the audience seat to look at myself. The culture, the vibe, the ethos, the zeitgeist of the age was forming, and that, I assume, means that it is maturing, ending. It has become a thing, and the middle school and high school kids that I scarcely know now will form whatever they wish to from whatever I used to partake in. Then I will move on to my late 20's, 30's, on with a changed lifestyle, in a different world, in a different mainstream, but with a residue of my own 20's, my own 2010's. A little bit of Skrillex, a little bit of the word 'hipster,' a little bit of the financial crisis, a little bit of Obama, homosexuality, Middle Eastern crisis, Call Me Maybe.
It was a peak into the end. Not a sad one, just an end. Thankfully I will grow as the time flows, and I will always live in where I belong-- but it is startling to think that now what I took part in is becoming a history for the world. I led it, and it is ending.
So did everyone else who came before me. Everyone. And the world chopped it down to a chapter in history, a clip on YouTube, a frame in a Museum, a word from their grandparents. So many things were lost, so unbearably many things that I can understand have come before me.
It really threw me off. Threw me out of me for a second. Look at me, I'm blogging this. Look.
Mothagesso.
20120618
20120614
Let Me Grow Old With You [Thought Catalogue]
By 
I saw a couple the other day when I was walking down the street. They were old, wrinkled, and tiny. If you saw a photo of them, you’d imagine that someone had found them in an attic somewhere and dusted them off to place them in Paris for a day — they seemed almost anachronistic, all shined shoes and perfectly coiffed silver hair.
But seeing them in real life, watching the way they were with each other, made it seem like they were teenagers. At one point, the woman was laughing so hard she had to stop in the middle of the sidewalk to catch her breath. She kissed him on the cheek, it was almost giddy, and so incredibly innocent — as though whatever enormous life that exists behind them is brand new and fresh when they are together, a blank slate. They held hands the entire time. And this was just in the thirty or so seconds that I saw them.
I’m not sure about our society’s stances on monogamy, marriage, fidelity, divorce, separation, and children. I think we may be a little too rigid, a little too hopeful, a little too demanding of ourselves as human beings. I think we may be stretching the limits of what we’re meant to do in our lives by saying that at some point in your twenties you are supposed to choose a person and then from that day forward never have interest in another human being until you die. It’s inarguable that so many failures — failures we blame on ourselves and not necessarily the system that isn’t guaranteed to work for us — stem from this kind of pressure. And while, from time to time, I find myself disillusioned with the entire institution itself, I must say–
There’s something about the one who makes you laugh.
The most heartbreaking moments for me in life have always been moments like this, like that couple on the street — things so beautiful I felt I almost had to look away — when there was no one there to share it with. I found myself turning around, instinctively looking for someone, anyone, to share and confirm this for me. Isn’t this amazing? I know. I don’t know if we were meant for monogamy or not, and I know that marriage is a construct not at all based in logic, but I also know things are often nicer when made for two. And when you are with someone again, when you have someone with whom to share all these quiet, powerful moments, you long so much to tell them about everything you saw and felt before they got there. You want to share, to tell, to talk until you run out of breath.
What wouldn’t most of us give to be in our mid-seventies and still have someone to laugh to the point of tears with? To look at and, without saying a word, just know exactly what the other is thinking, what they have seen? What wouldn’t be incredible about being with someone so long, so intimately, that they know you better than you know yourself? I look at the couple with the beautiful, paper-thin skin and the wry, knowing smiles and I swell up with hope for the idea that this could all work out, that there is something to this “being together” thing.
I have met older couples so happy they give me the vague impression that I’ll never be able to live up to what they’ve found. I have always been given such wonderful, lasting advice about love, and I want to collect it all and take it around with me, everywhere I go, letting it color my decisions and remind me that life is short, and that I need to be patient. We always need to be patient.
You have your own love, your heady, young infatuation, and it becomes your whole world. And then you see the couple walking down the street, laughing together, who have made it through so much and are still exactly where you are today — just so many shades deeper, richer. And you ask yourself, “How do I get from here to there? What are the tricks I need to know?” Maybe there is no secret formula. Maybe some people are just lucky enough to find the right one, to beat the odds. But I hope to make my own luck, and I hope to do it laughing.
Guichanaso.
You know that kid in class, fidgety, just oozing with some sort of despicable enthusiasm. A little full of confidence, that hopelessly fortified a little with contrived humility and humor. That kid who sits next to you, and whispers to you, not even to himself, but to you, whenever he knows the answer to the question. That kid who just turns around and surveys the class every other second with his eager eyes, just, just looking at them, looking like he is thinking, "ah, the class that probably knows less than I," or even more difficult, "ah, I can appreciate that intellectual comment because I understood it like a good student." That kid who bites his nails and shakes his legs and makes you nervous. That kid who nods, nods, and nods, and nods some more to every line that the professor says. That kid who raises his hand for almost each and every question, and a little worse, asks every damn question that just comes to his mind. Even ones that make your eyebrows cringe-- "you really couldn't figure that one out?" or "you really had to make that sure?" That kid, so excited to tell you and the world that he knows the answer, undeterred by any sort of disinterest that people show. Frown-proof confidence. Obnoxious innocence. And fully well-constructed role of a "good student, good boy."
We talked a little during the break. Or should I say, I heard him talk about his grand plans for the future, and his vapid deployment of array of sociological terms, trampling over all niceties of life, not with falsities of what he said, but with monolithic absoluteness of how he delivered it. Reminded me of a diligent man who dug down hundred feet into one narrow pit towards whatever destination to him is. Does he think of that, or does he live off the admiring eyes, or at least what he thinks of as admiring eyes at his sheer diligence or good-student-ness, of the people who watch him dig down further?
'Ugh,' I used to cry out loud in my mind, and I used to start off thinking of his defects. "What will you do after the life as a student in a structured and conventional setting called school ends?" "Where are you even going? Are you not lying to yourself, or at least not asking yourself the question?" "What do you really know about the things you know besides what you've collected with your photographic memory?" Minus, minus, minus.
Then you see yourself in the reflection of him.
It wouldn't really help as I soon just thought of what I was doing, what I was to him, perhaps. "He's just him, and at least he's a good, hard-working kid. Things could have been worse." "And what is it with me and my fractured ego that makes me so uncomfortable around him? Because I feel so much more mature? Just as despicable." Why does my demeanor change? So disingenuous." "Why do I not accept people as who they are, and not just accept, but approve, understand-- truly so for even the obnoxious?" You judge things that are wrong, but things that are a little different, and furthermost, things that are not morally punishable-- just annoying things, how should I not be annoyed by them?
My excessively grumpy condescension.
I think I hear him looking right back at me and thinking, 'stuck up. tool bag,' somewhere deep, deep down his consciousness, below his layer of world-loving-ness and the fountain of I-am-awesome-and-hey-you-are-too!
Distance from A to B. B, seen by A and vice versa.
'Soothe,' I thought the other day, 'perhaps that is one quality that I think I am good at, a little natural at, or a little inclined to do at any rate.' Soothing others, yes, through their battles, yes, hopefully like the sea against the cliff. But I was originally thinking of myself. 'Soothing myself and my pointedness or poignance'
'Reclining on a chair on the deck, in the endless and helpless voyage, on the endless and merciless sea. Enjoying the sun.'
Mothagesso.
We talked a little during the break. Or should I say, I heard him talk about his grand plans for the future, and his vapid deployment of array of sociological terms, trampling over all niceties of life, not with falsities of what he said, but with monolithic absoluteness of how he delivered it. Reminded me of a diligent man who dug down hundred feet into one narrow pit towards whatever destination to him is. Does he think of that, or does he live off the admiring eyes, or at least what he thinks of as admiring eyes at his sheer diligence or good-student-ness, of the people who watch him dig down further?
'Ugh,' I used to cry out loud in my mind, and I used to start off thinking of his defects. "What will you do after the life as a student in a structured and conventional setting called school ends?" "Where are you even going? Are you not lying to yourself, or at least not asking yourself the question?" "What do you really know about the things you know besides what you've collected with your photographic memory?" Minus, minus, minus.
Then you see yourself in the reflection of him.
It wouldn't really help as I soon just thought of what I was doing, what I was to him, perhaps. "He's just him, and at least he's a good, hard-working kid. Things could have been worse." "And what is it with me and my fractured ego that makes me so uncomfortable around him? Because I feel so much more mature? Just as despicable." Why does my demeanor change? So disingenuous." "Why do I not accept people as who they are, and not just accept, but approve, understand-- truly so for even the obnoxious?" You judge things that are wrong, but things that are a little different, and furthermost, things that are not morally punishable-- just annoying things, how should I not be annoyed by them?
My excessively grumpy condescension.
I think I hear him looking right back at me and thinking, 'stuck up. tool bag,' somewhere deep, deep down his consciousness, below his layer of world-loving-ness and the fountain of I-am-awesome-and-hey-you-are-too!
Distance from A to B. B, seen by A and vice versa.
'Soothe,' I thought the other day, 'perhaps that is one quality that I think I am good at, a little natural at, or a little inclined to do at any rate.' Soothing others, yes, through their battles, yes, hopefully like the sea against the cliff. But I was originally thinking of myself. 'Soothing myself and my pointedness or poignance'
'Reclining on a chair on the deck, in the endless and helpless voyage, on the endless and merciless sea. Enjoying the sun.'
Mothagesso.
20120611
Girls and Boys
I guess its difficult for boys to understand girls. I guess its difficult for girls to want to understand boys.
Guichanaso.
Guichanaso.
20120609
Sometimes I feel really dumb, although maybe it wasn't all that dumb whatever I have done. The money I spend, the time I live, the plans I make, the words I say, the things I think. How me. It's like, it's not a regret because it wasn't a mistake. It was a sort of stupidity that just is, and was. There just isn't much you can do. Sometimes I feel really dumb. But don't we all?
Mothagesso.
Mothagesso.
20120608
Fortune Cookies
Luck is coming your way.
The virtue lies in the struggle, not the prize.
You are strong and sensitive.
Do not compare yourself with others. You will be happier.
Others enjoy your radiance.
Your capacity for methodical thinking is great.
The current year will bring you much happiness.
A modest man never talks to himself.
An ambition is in reach.
Your sly nature will get you out of a tight spot.
Discontent is the first step in the progress of a man or a nation.
The way to minimize a problem is to anticipate it and prevent it.
Be assertive when decisive action is needed.
Contentment is just around the corner for you. Look forward!
You should be able to make money and hold on to it.
Soon, you will receive pleasant news.
Life to you is a dashing and bold adventure.
You have an ability to sense and know higher truth.
You will make many changes before settling satisfactorily.
Your trouble will cease and fortune will smile upon you.
The superior man is modest in his speech; but he exceeds in his actions.
You are quiet, adaptable, and sensitive to others.
A banker is someone who lends you an umbrella when the sun is shining.
You can work both alone or with others.
You enjoy using your imagination.
Lessons learned, 2011-2012.
Guichanaso.
20120606
"Cause I just don't believe we're wicked
I know that we sin but I do believe we try"
I know that we sin but I do believe we try"
Positive messages tend to be addictive. With few lines, you could write off the cynics, and get the heads turning. I don't know what that says anything about us.
I once tried to put up an apology for philosophy, stammering, anything but eloquent. There are several, at least for personal, or if you stretch it enough, for practical business purposes as well. Clarity, as Weber said, I guess, would apply for the latter. For the former, a sort of further self-understanding, as well as room for exploration. But I tried to put up something more practical, something with large historical impacts and societal utility. Not that I wished to diminish everything else, but to revitalize what now seems to be dying, even as I start to study it. I think I muttered something along the lines of-- ideas move the real world. And ideas, the structures that are neutral, are set into motion only by our personal conviction, a baseless and intractable entity. I am still yet to justify why philosophy relates. Perhaps it does not at all. But if I think it can, and believe in it, and have you believe in it too, I can make it just as real as anything else, any other truth out there.
"From philo- "loving" and sophia "knowledge, wisdom," from sophis "wise, learned;" of unknown origin."
Mothagesso.
20120604
Dan: At six, we stand round the computer and read the next day's page, make final changes, put in a few euphemisms to amuse ourselves.
Alice: Such as?
Dan: "He was a convivial fellow," meaning he was an alcoholic. "He valued his privacy," gay. "He enjoyed his privacy," raging queen.
Alice: What would my euphemism be?
Dan: "Disarming."
Alice: That's not a euphemism.
Dan: Yes, it is.
Guichanaso.
20120603
You would hurt. So you know, people decide to do things, with premeditation, or meditation, or without. You "make up your mind." Sometimes it looks more like writing the whole thing off. Just tossing the mess out. You say, "whatever."
Always, the statement, its words, are too rash, too hasty for reality. That's why we shouldn't talk too easily. They're prone to making a fool out of us. Just to be safe. But sometimes, saying it out loud is the only way to reinforce it for your own self.
Saying nice, considerate things are heartwarming. Let nothing be imposed upon anyone casually. I walked a lot today, and my feet handled it well without grumbling too much. Thank you, feet.
Mothagesso.
Always, the statement, its words, are too rash, too hasty for reality. That's why we shouldn't talk too easily. They're prone to making a fool out of us. Just to be safe. But sometimes, saying it out loud is the only way to reinforce it for your own self.
Saying nice, considerate things are heartwarming. Let nothing be imposed upon anyone casually. I walked a lot today, and my feet handled it well without grumbling too much. Thank you, feet.
Mothagesso.
20120601
Allllmoooosttttt
I like putting together photo stories because I feel like I'm weaving a story on pure whim. Then, when it just happens to make sense, I feel like I've achieved something miraculously difficult. No artifice, just a stream of thought and emotion.
Guichanaso.
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