We're all people with peculiar, and particular, understandings.

This may not be true at all, but I am always amused by thinking that Guichanaso and me are people who have the less active kind in us. That part is the laid-back-ness, sprinkled with disinterest, relaxation, and non-commitment-- but it arises from some grounds of thought, because that's another 'thinking' part we seem to have of our personalities and habits. However, most people think in order to do something. While, part of us think to do something as well, part of us think in a way makes us not do anything. Our thinking is wired weirdly. It perhaps is not unlike the nihilist friend of mine I wrote about sometime ago. A un-'productive' application of thinking capacities.

This lazy part of us is in tension with the other part, the 'normal' part, the 'hardworking' part, the 'socially-constructed' desires and goals. They don't go along well with our lazy part. The awe for life in general helps us to keep on thinking, the drive for life we believe we should uphold keeps us tugging towards future, but our natural temperaments or acquired inclinations dispose us to stay and celebrate the present.

The result of this set up for me is a smart kid who underutilizes his smarts, is happy and relaxed and not stressed, but also is stressed because he is underperforming by his measures. The happy life I am leading right now can easily be a delusion from the blessed life I have, which will expire soon.

I feel like a terrified, internally-conflicted snail.


Mothagesso.