Lacking motivation, and consequently reason or interest to do things-- I thought was because the secret me knows-- or at least think of as--'better life'. 'Doing things' is just one answer to one part of reality, and my way of 'enjoying things' is another. I simply get ground between the two because I can't abandon the former, and I don't want to the latter. If we relabel 'enjoying things' to 'not doing things', the tension grinds more people. Exhibit one is my roommate who raised the question, "why should I do anything?" Mine would have been, "why do 'real things' matter more than my secret enjoyments (a.k.a., not doing things that matter in the real world, not just this moment in your life)?" Exhibit two could be Guichanaso is similar to the first one, ground between similar tensions.

The case of Guichanaso builds on this to ask, "why am I not, doing things-- like I used to?"

I said, 'yes, it makes sense to say that we start questioning this way when we have lost fascination, our why.' Although, I personally don't think I have had my 'why' yet. Perhaps this is why I have a hard time holding myself from asking 'why am I doing this?' and then feeling the blind passion seep out, leaving my body cold, disinterested, and relaxed. But I should go out and find this. Reading Aristotle and Socrates and shit, I sometimes feel like I have found the why and the appreciation, but not yet the whole set of answers and results of life. No house, no income, no tax. Well, I'm young, and by nature, my life is largely unknown. So I should go find this. I think this gets harder to find as you get older, and get bolted into the structure you've set up for your sustenance, and can't get out to stop procrastinating and find that fascination.

When we have a passion, we don't need to ask why. Sometimes stopping to ask why to the passion helps revitalize the passion, but for me, I think I realized that I don't have a passion when I was asked to ask myself 'why' or when I thought I figured out my secret, happy 'why'. At any rate, I guess what I said to my nihilistic roommate still stands. If we stop asking 'why bother' to everything, we can see many to appreciate.

I also think, why not, I'm going to collide that 'why' with 'passion'. Creating something, bash it to itself.

What made me so interested in my own life?

Mothagesso.