The two times I went to therapy I really liked it. I liked being asked questions and having someone else listen to them and I liked that she made it okay for me to have problems. I think I also felt I were the lesser crazy, and therefore felt better about myself. Like I wasnt in tears or anything. I didnt need medication like the loonies on tv. I was just a girl who had most things put together, who knew enough to consult when necessary. It made me feel weirdly responsible.

I'm never sure what I want. I'm negotiable, malleable, adaptable. Today at a speaker event one of the panel members asked me if I had any specific questions. I'd gone prepared--I had a list jotted, bulletpoits, key words and all, and her question totally threw me off. I mean I could ask you a specific question. But what about all the other questions? Like if I ask you about red, I'm afraid it'll lead me to ask about pink and magenta and purple, when, I didnt know anything anout blue either! Tell me about blue, too! But theres only a limited amount of time, and its sometimes awkward to jump from red to blue to yellow. I let their answers guide me and thats what I find fascinating, none of this going down the list of questions bullshit. Converse with me please. Maybe I've got the wrong approach.

It is my belief that even the dumbest people have a point. Criticisms of all kid rub me harder than they do others, I think, because I can't brush things off. I mean if even that idiot has something bad to say, I must be fucking sub-par, I can do better.

On a bus,
Guichanaso