One of my favorite linguistic stylistic choice is to use a vulgar and expressive term as a prefix or suffix to an eloquent and grandiose phrases and words. A swift deployment of "You myopic fuck" would be an example.

"Nearsightedness" is a weird looking word.

Explicable, but irresolvable tensions suck. Some of these tensions receded throughout time, and that experience is the only thing that sort of keeps things in perspective, and in clarity. An example from the past is about partying. I wanted to go out, hang out, party, and be the 'cool kid.' Most of my life consisted in such misdirected and aimless pursuit of what I didn't really know what it looked like. To be funny, talkative, attention-grabbing, beloved by people, articulate, well-dressed (this just resulted in incoherent set of un-cross-matchable clothes), mature, relaxed- whatever that 'cool' seemed to be for people to give me attention, and whatever that 'cool' I could do, I did. I was a slave to my own disposition; I partied even if I did not really want to. I went out just for the sake of going out. I pretended to be cool, so I cant be cool. Coolness still is one of my primary motivation. However, it does not simply dictate me as much as it used to. I feel comfortable staying in and having a cup of hot chocolate. I do not consider the great load of fun happening out there as much as I did. When I do, I don't feel that unsettling desire to just go out just to go out and, and, do something cool. That never really worked out.

One of these tensions these days would be my deep-inside jealousy for people with prestigious brand names on their résumé. I know the mischievous effects of those names. On one hand, I know that those few words are childishly too dumb to really mean anything when describing a person. Some people are there without desiring for any of its socializing effects. They truly and by that I mean, simply and solely, enjoy their time, and they are genuine. And more frequently than not, turn out to be interesting quirky dorks whom I found either interesting and amiable, or just, not-my-type. No fun to hang out with, as hanging out is one of my major measure of interpersonal fit, as well as my favorite hobby. That's what matters, really. Enjoying a company is what I will want, and need, and will benefit from. On the other hand, I also am just jealous about such names. It comes with psychological and social burden, I know. Some people just cannot behave freely about it. They just embody the entire snobbishness, regardless they like it or not. People feed it to them. The world does. Sometimes, more problematically, people embrace the fact that they are there. Explicable, but irresolvable tension. Knowing that a social construct exists do not free me from the construct itself.

Suspension bridges are dope.

On a tangential note, that does not mean that I should be free from every amour propre, every vanity, every tension, or every social construct. To hate everything 2012, as a cutting-edge, right-er than anyone, forefront liberal warrior, is not the answer to live in 2012. You cannot despise everything 2012 because you are from 2067. Your despising does not help expedite the coming of 2067, nor make 2067 look any better, at any rate. Know the age you live in, know the social constructs we deal with. Converse with it. Do not resolve the tension by ending up at an extreme end where rationality seems to speak the one and only truth. Your future might very well come, but haste rarely is advisable for your personal richness.

I have always been bad at preaching. I enjoy doing it, or at least, I cannot help myself from doing it once I start, and I just stop considering my audience and the content of what I am saying, even. And it always do not seem to accomplish things that I willed, at any rate. I still do preach, and I still do write as such.

It's all just me being a little selfish, trying to find the way out, the end, to just figure out what I am doing in the middle of the fog. "We know the reality, the real things we should do, but we really don't, not yet. And at the same time, we are trying to weigh that against what we really want, but we're still in the process of figuring that out as well. Holding the two in our hands, let alone aligning the two"-- proves to be extremely difficult.

I know that the bridge is stable, and that I will be fine in any case. In the meantime, I find myself lucky to be a fond lover of humid fog. I'm in some sort of relaxed nirvana, bitch.


Mothagesso.