From a blog post, "I LOVE YOU, BECAUSE I LOVE MYSELF" by Brian Underwood

"Down with Love" by Blossom Dearie

I don't believe that human beings are naturally and ultimately selfish in all their motivations. But it really is a selfish thing, liking someone. The self-centered perception and selfish wishes. It's just about what I want to do, what I feel like saying, what I wish it would happen, what I want to assume, where I would fit in the picture.

Selflessness is a masturbation.

It feeds to my ego as I congratulate myself for repressing my selfishness. However one's psychology works in a relationship, I think it does come down to selfishness. Even the good-willed wishes for the past or unrealized love is a sort of a selfish bent for the pain of loss. "I wish you love, because I am sad and my last way to cling on as I give up, is to be give you good wishes, and appear selfless." Prove that you're selfish by saying that you're selfless. One time my selflessness felt true was when I decided to hurt myself for the sake of someone else. The pain endured and numbed and I think, healed. But this also may have been because there was no other choice. Not truly because I was selfless, but because I was, indeed, selfish.

There is no apparent objective here. No real guarantee that I will gain anything. No evidence that this is a good idea. Not even the certainty about the sincerity about the urge. But why the urge?

Inexplicable urge. Perhaps that's precisely why. It's inexplicable, therefore I wish it to be cleared out by whatever distillation, reaction, or combustion I can do.

Only if love was so easy.




Mothagesso.