Everyone has "great" memories of middle school dances. They suck in a great way. It's a fun sociological phenomenon, a sort of collective sucking, that you cannot blame anyone for being lame or weird. You don't know what cool is or how cool looks like, so you just have this hatred against the lame-sucking compared to what we saw on MTV.
The sadness that we have failed to have fun.
The dances at my school were exceptionally lame. I would "DJ" and also dance like a crazy man. Vulnerably socially aware, I always was, but also always trying really hard to be cool. I was a stare-proof dancer. I trained my social lameness.
Then I prized myself most for my boisterousness. My screaming presence. My sociability and mostly, my ability to be a little crazy, for the people who really want to be but can't.
I wonder why I lost a lot of that these days. I miss it a little bit, but I also think I just can't do it any more. But maybe I can. I am not sure how to do it here, either, I guess. Talking, bonding, or even just semi-hitting on people. I can't have my arms around people now. My muscles don't do it, and I can't get my mind to think or do it either.
A very weird feeling. What is the best way to spend my twenties for myself?
Why is it that it seems like everyone in the past seemed to have so much fun? 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's, 80's, 90's, 00's, all over the globe. They had no iPhones, iPads, Facebook, Twitter, online shopping, YouTube. Maybe they just had to try harder to have fun and so they did. We don't need to try that hard and now we feel lame.
The sadness that we have failed to have fun.
The dances at my school were exceptionally lame. I would "DJ" and also dance like a crazy man. Vulnerably socially aware, I always was, but also always trying really hard to be cool. I was a stare-proof dancer. I trained my social lameness.
Then I prized myself most for my boisterousness. My screaming presence. My sociability and mostly, my ability to be a little crazy, for the people who really want to be but can't.
I wonder why I lost a lot of that these days. I miss it a little bit, but I also think I just can't do it any more. But maybe I can. I am not sure how to do it here, either, I guess. Talking, bonding, or even just semi-hitting on people. I can't have my arms around people now. My muscles don't do it, and I can't get my mind to think or do it either.
Would I give myself cool points for my life right now?
If I consciously try to be cool, I would be really superficially cool.
But now that I do think about it, I think the only way out for me is to get over it.
By being cool, I guess?
A very weird feeling. What is the best way to spend my twenties for myself?
Why is it that it seems like everyone in the past seemed to have so much fun? 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's, 80's, 90's, 00's, all over the globe. They had no iPhones, iPads, Facebook, Twitter, online shopping, YouTube. Maybe they just had to try harder to have fun and so they did. We don't need to try that hard and now we feel lame.
This is the sixties. The collars are dumb, but the wedge-heels, I can dig. Also, afro.
I wonder if the generation after us will think that we were cool.
Mothagesso.
