There are unlikeable emotions that insolently roam around in us, sometimes.
Suppressing emotions, filtering them, inhibiting them, controlling them-- ourselves. Someone vaguely discussed her marshall control of emotions one day. I remember thinking that such tight, aritificial regulation was like an anchor for that person. It keeps you calm. If the thoughts just come through, regrets and embarrassments may follow, more events, chain reactions, and words and hearts would go afire.
My emotions are always muddled and coded with some sort of rational analysis. Argh, pouted lips and exhaustion and general unhappiness-- is what I am feeling right now, because of A, B, and C. If in that vulnerable self-analysis time someone talks to me, I would try my best to not let it spill over and get that person messy. If I think I do, I'm quick to offer to clean it up and apologize, "Sorry, I'm feeling really grimy today."
Now, some emotions are mischievous. They are ill-translated by Mr. Rational. A trickery. Just what exactly does "liking someone" consist of? The initial encounters are always the romantic "like-like" and just general "like" because they are simply a strong attraction. Strong attraction is too confusing to be translated clearly.
Another emotion like that is jealousy. What exactly does jealousy consist of?
These liars. They are there for a reason. They are there to make me want to do something. But they are wrong, misguided, and implacable in this world. Shut up, shut up, shut up. Don't do anything, don't say anything. The actions caused by emotions will just cause a mess. Gaffe. Regrets. They will leave as soon as you follow what they want you to do, and you'll be left solitary, wondering, why did I do that?
Sometimes I get a huge urge to shut myself up, too. But sometimes, I wish everything was true and great and safe and perfect so I can not shut up. Sometimes, I know that things are not true and great and safe and perfect but I say them anyway. Left solitary, wondering,
hoping,
Mothagesso.
Suppressing emotions, filtering them, inhibiting them, controlling them-- ourselves. Someone vaguely discussed her marshall control of emotions one day. I remember thinking that such tight, aritificial regulation was like an anchor for that person. It keeps you calm. If the thoughts just come through, regrets and embarrassments may follow, more events, chain reactions, and words and hearts would go afire.
My emotions are always muddled and coded with some sort of rational analysis. Argh, pouted lips and exhaustion and general unhappiness-- is what I am feeling right now, because of A, B, and C. If in that vulnerable self-analysis time someone talks to me, I would try my best to not let it spill over and get that person messy. If I think I do, I'm quick to offer to clean it up and apologize, "Sorry, I'm feeling really grimy today."
Now, some emotions are mischievous. They are ill-translated by Mr. Rational. A trickery. Just what exactly does "liking someone" consist of? The initial encounters are always the romantic "like-like" and just general "like" because they are simply a strong attraction. Strong attraction is too confusing to be translated clearly.
Another emotion like that is jealousy. What exactly does jealousy consist of?
These liars. They are there for a reason. They are there to make me want to do something. But they are wrong, misguided, and implacable in this world. Shut up, shut up, shut up. Don't do anything, don't say anything. The actions caused by emotions will just cause a mess. Gaffe. Regrets. They will leave as soon as you follow what they want you to do, and you'll be left solitary, wondering, why did I do that?
Sometimes I get a huge urge to shut myself up, too. But sometimes, I wish everything was true and great and safe and perfect so I can not shut up. Sometimes, I know that things are not true and great and safe and perfect but I say them anyway. Left solitary, wondering,
hoping,
Mothagesso.
