I'll have these thoughts, and I'll want to explain. Make sense out of them, to others, and to others only because they already make sense in my head, so I'll start. Prelude the speech by telling them it probably won't make sense. Which underwhelms everything from the beginning I guess? So when they actually do make sense, listeners are pleasantly surprised? And when they don't, things are still okay?
But being an overthinker--I thought, maybe not starting out these explanations with a humble "Hey this may end up just a jumble of words (and showing them too early on a certain confusion is almost expected and something I'm used to)" isn't the best method. Maybe I should put on an air as if I know exactly what the hell I'm talking about so when my listener doesn't understand, it's no longer my responsibility to make sense out of them, it's theirs, and if they don't understand something its entirely their stupidity and naivete and simpleton-ness, and maybe that could reversely work to make myself more understandable. Does modesty confuse people? Does that make sense? Even in a monologue I feel as though I should make sure I'm being understood. I guess I am used to confused listeners.
Growing up I always found it odd how a facade could make real things come true.
So as to prevent all this overthinking and scrutinizing I've stopped trying to be understood. Maybe my feet just don't fit the comprehension shoe. Too much effort and frustration. So I resort to photos. Vagueness. I run and hide behind you two because I'm lazy and exhausted. Although "lazy" and "exhausted" seem mutually exclusive as a lazy person would never work till exhaustion; maybe I "have not been lazy until now" and have thus "worn myself out" and now am "lazy due to elongated fatigue." There.
Guichanaso.
