Sometimes I feel like I could somehow taste the cortisol salivating in my mouth. I exhale as if to make it feel better and look at the clock. Orientation of where and when I am isn't good news. Cigarettes sound like the best procrastination. But none of it is worth it. I don't like cigarettes. The heart doesn't throb. It just ties itself into a not. The buzz in my head is just annoying.

Nothing is good for now.

Good companionship barely distracts my attention. I try to force a smile as I walk. I heard that brains are dumb and smiling can help. The muscles in my face feel just as tied up as the heart. The moment is beyond reflection, criticism, regret- beyond anything that could be done. I trot around some childish imaginations. What if a lightning strikes me now? Sleep won't help and I'm not even that sleepy. I think I eat more when I am hungry. The famous symptom of stress-induced overeating. Little tricks of words and little ticks on the clock. Only time will solve it. But I can't even see that well even into the next minute. Tied and lumped up.

Nothing is good for now.


Mothagesso.